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Raised by Moogles

*takes hold of spoon, STIRS THE POT*

*takes hold of spoon, STIRS THE POT*

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I’m pretty much talking out my ass here. I’m not watching the new Muppet series, I have no intention of watching the new Muppet series, and I am probably missing out on a lot of context, but - dammit, I’m glad Kermit and Piggy broke up and I’m totally waving a TeamDenise banner here.

Partially I’m guilty of taking the Muppets way too seriously, but I’m kind of sick of seeing people hold up Miss Piggy as some kind of feminist icon. She hits people. She hits her boyfriend. In public and on camera and everything. Puppets hitting each other is part of a slapstick tradition going back probably thousands of years, but this new series, by setting everything in as close to the ‘real world’ as possible, just throws everything into a very harsh light, and in that light Miss Piggy looks an awful lot like a rageaholic serial abuser. In this context Kermit just broke up with his abusive girlfriend whom he’s been enduring for decades, and even though we don’t really know anything about his rebound girlfriend we can at least be pretty sure she hasn’t hit him yet. And yet the entire Internet is losing its collective shit, calling Denise ‘homewrecker’ and ’skank’ and basically punishing them both for Kermit finally escaping. Is this an accurate representation of what male domestic abuse survivors go through? I feel like it’s kinda too close for comfort.

Denise is going to turn out be a villain somehow. I know this because a) this is a giant nostalgia project aimed at Millenials, do you honestly think they’re going to let a change to the status quo this huge stand? and b) they made her look like a slagging Bratz doll, put her in a low-cut top and made her just a little too sexually aggressive for society to accept in a female. I mean, the Internet would still hate her even if she dressed like a nun, but add the ‘tart it up’ factor and it’s like waving fresh meat at a pack of starving dogs. The fans just lose their goddamn minds. And they will feel completely vindicated when Denise is revealed as The Villain: maybe she’s embezzling, maybe she’s a spy or saboteur, maybe she’s just basically cut from the same sociopathic cloth as Piggy, I couldn’t tell you how this is going to shake out, but it will end with a vicious, shrieking, hair-pulling spectacle catfight which Piggy will win and thus the status quo will be restored. Call me the Oracle of Kupo.

But until then, I ship it like FedEx and I am not ashamed.
  • Sing it! Thank you! I've felt similar for years! I was always a huge Kermit fan and felt he deserved better than getting beat up and yelled at all the time!
    Every movie they fight and break up and then end up right back together again and that is not a healthy relationship standard!
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